Festivals

Who’d organise a festival, eh? Well, James Scarlett organises two – so he’s clearly a glutton for punishment!

On top of rampant economic costs, heatwave conditions and a constant bothering from Soccerball fans wanting to watch “the match”, he had to navigate a couple of pretty unexpected changes of plan in the build-up (which Summer Festival Guide covered here).

Despite these uncertainties, the doors to 2000Trees were opened promptly at Wednesday lunchtime, letting the eager beavers get themselves set up before the action kicked off.

For those unaware, the festival site is at Upcote Farm, a working farm which is around 20 minutes’ drive from the centre of nearby Cheltenham. They’re only small roads on the run up to the site, so be prepared to have to wait for a while before entering, but on balance you’re so close to the site entrance once into the parking area that it evens out.

Alterative transport options include a shuttle bus service from Cheltenham Spa train station provided by Big Green Coach which runs on Wednesday and Thursday and then back on Sunday for £16 in advance. The station itself has regular trains direct trains from London Paddington, Birmingham New Street, Bristol Temple Meads, Cardiff Central, Manchester Piccadilly and Edinburgh Waverley stations – so getting here couldn’t be easier.

Once you’re through the parking/drop off area it’s down a steep hill, across a narrow bridge, and then a steep uphill through a rugged pathway before some more wobbly terrain past the campervans. You’re then into the general camping area which offers an overflow area, as well as accessible camping and VIP upgrade options.

Despite it taking place on a hilly farm, every effort is made to create an accessible space for festival goers with mobility issues, and following a rejig of the parking situation last year the organisers took on the feedback and made the necessary tweaks to improve that further still.

Designated accessible camping areas, all-terrain mobility scooters to navigate the undulating ground and viewing platforms at stages to allow unobstructed views make it clear that all are welcome.

Inclusivity is another key aspect of 2000Trees. People are free to be themselves, find their people, live their best lives and to do so free from fear of any sort of prejudice or persecution. In a society that is absolutely hoaching with division and hatred, 2000Trees becomes a safe haven – and that adds to its immaculate vibe. The Trees community fully restore my faith in humanity every year and I am grateful for the annual reminder that it ain’t all shit.

Families are also catered to, meaning those elder emos with bairns are able to re-live their youths while keeping the wayuns entertained. Trees puts on a chocka programme of activities for kids – with the line-up in the Word tent featuring everything from circus performances, yoga, drag queen story hour and interactive sing-a-longs. It also provides a welcome spot of shade to keep them out of the sun – a definite plus in this weather.

These are all elements that combine to make 2000Trees one of the most welcoming and accessible festivals in the UK.

Thanks to heatwave conditions forecast for the duration of the week, preparation for festival-goers followed a similar model to 2025. That made packing a lot easier, the pile of discards containing wellies, raincoats and fleeces while sunscreen, caps and fans were on the tick list.

Having had the experience of emerging from my tent like Jim Carrey from the mechanical Rhino in Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls last year (IYKYK), I invested in a Black + Fresh tent from Decathlon (not an ad) and can confirm it made a big difference over the duration!

I also added a canopy style shelter to the campsite set up to provide much needed shade and right next to the Camp Frabbit stage, making it a) easy to find and b) giving us front row seats to the line-up for the week. Unsurprisingly after two heatwaves already this year, the ground was unforgiving to tent pegs – so heavy-duty options were brought out.

On to the music!

Wednesday always feels like a private event to me. The full festival doesn’t open until Thursday and a lot of folks hold off arriving until then, which gives those early attendees the opportunity to take in an extra day’s fun.

As with previous years, all of the performances on day one were split between The Word stage and The Forest. Bands alternate between them, but you’re only a couple of minutes’ walk between the stages – so even with the five-minute gap between acts you’re not going to miss a lot. The Word tent has had an upgrade this year, so there’s even more capacity than before.

In the Forest, signs encouraging folks not to occupy space with chairs/hammocks etc were in place after last year’s debacle and throughout the week they were (mostly) adhered to.

Last year’s main stage-r Karen Dió returned for a Wednesday slot in The Forest and kicked off with ‘Euphoria’ before the Hives-esque new single ‘Free Yourself’ ramped things up further.

The set didn’t slow down any as the Latin Riot Grrrrl ploughed through a set of punk-rock bangers including ‘Stupid’, ‘Cut Your Hair’ and the best cover of Chappell Roan (‘Casual’) you’ll ever hear.

Karen showed her appreciation for the early attendees who came out to see her set, and took the opportunity to play the shortest, or rather most concise song, of all the sets across the weekend – ‘Buy My Merch!’

Closing out the set with ‘Sick Ride’ – she announces “I’m coming in!” before jumping over the barrier to join in with the crowd on the forest floor. It’s an excellent start to the weekend.

A new EP (Fugaz) comes out next month, along with a summer of festivals across Europe and then back to her adopted home for a UK tour covering Glasgow, Manchester, London and Brighton. Dió’s star is rising and we’re all in for a sick ride!

Then it was time for some admin and a wander over to the merch tent to pick up my pre-ordered Trees x 4Ed (the charity raising money to tackle Motor Neurone Disease via the Gloucester Rugby Foundation) rugby jersey – which came up a bit short, so swapped it out for the next size up with zero fuss.

As ever, its an absolute Aladdin’s Cave of wonder in there! The always popular 2000Trees football shirts available in Home and Away were £45 (kids £30). Line-up t-shirts were available in black, natural, orange and skeleton (Adults £30, kids £20) hoodies for £50 and a fetching pair of shorts for £30.

Clashfinders were £8, Socks £10, Sunglasses £15 and caps (available in black, yellow, natural and a cool skeleton design) were £25 apiece and flying out of the tent, along with some of the more off-piste options available.

These included the annual appearance of Lou’s Brews hot sauce (£10), limited edition prints (£20) and even a Tragic: The Gathering playing cards (£7) and dice (£20) which sold out almost immediately! I managed to witness a gleeful moment as one of the merch staff found the last set of dice for one customer, making their day in the process.

I also collected my pre-booked headphones from Silent Disco King (£35 of which £25 is returned a few days after the festival). The fun starts each night after the final headliner as DJs play sets across multiple channels and stages. There are even live sets from bands (and the football commentary…) which creates the utterly surreal experience of bands performing in silence, but it’s a lot of fun.

Back to the shade of the Forest and it was one of those bands I was VERY excited to see – Hyphen.

He combines genres into a fusion of rage-filled rap-rock which covers socio-political issues, from immigration, racism and corrupt politicians (Farage) and has an audience rallying behind every word.

‘This Is Great Britain’ questions how great the country is, and spotlights ‘Dave the Racist’ who reads the Daily Mail and blames immigrants rather than the powers that be: “So Dave doesn’t get what he needs. He’s told to blame me. Divide and conquer, rinse and repeat. Trying to be kind but David, I’m not the fucking enemy”

An absolutely incendiary ‘This Might Be It’ has the pit absolutely frothing, while the unexpected sing-a-long chorus of ‘Desk job’ (“Desk job or sex tape? Suck d*** and get paid!”) goes down (pun intended) a storm.

Newest release ‘SAID WHAT I SAID’ and its refrain of “Fuck you! Yeah, I said what I said” covers AI, billionaires and the hypocrisy of racists enjoying an onion bhaji and GOES OFF!

More festivals await this summer, as well as going on tour with Kid Kapichi later this year and a new EP on the way. Hyphen is ready for bigger things and I reckon we need him more than ever.

Heading back to the campsite to meet friends, eat, play some games (Can Off is an absolute winner) and make the most of the chilled beers left in the cooler, it was a few hours before heading back for Irish band, Sprints.

Ireland has always been a musical nation, but even by their standards they’re in a rich vein of form and Sprints are part of that wave.

They (and the crowd) look like they’re having a shit load of fun up there, as an energetic set of punk rock with songs referencing French philosophers (‘Descartes’), Czech poets (‘Beg’) and desire (‘Something’s Gonna Happen’). There’s also an excellent cover of Le Tigre’s ‘Deceptacon’ which is a weekend highlight for me.

Addressing the crowd, powerhouse frontwoman Karla Chubb asks: “Are yiz all sweating your balls off?”. The answer is a unanimous yes, balls or not.

For the final song, ‘Little Fix’, the band asks the fired-up audience: “Can anyone play guitar?”. The call was answered by a young woman in a backpack (it stayed on throughout) and so Chubb got herself into the mixer, crowd surfing as the set came to a triumphant end.

It’s a brilliant set, and if you’re not already familiar with Sprints then get on it!

PUP are a band I hadn’treally come across before and that is a profound own goal on my part! The Forest is absolutely buzzing ahead of the set from the Toronto natives who are playing their 2016 LP The Dream Is Over’ in its entirety.

Crowd surfing starts from the off and the “Woo, ooh-ooh, woo, ooh-ooh’s” of ‘DVP’ get even newcomers to the Canadian’s repertoire involved. The weather-appropriate ‘Sleep In The Heat’ can’t be held responsible for the conditions, but would it have killed them to have another one called ‘Light Drizzle For A Little Bit’?

They tease some of tomorrow’s main stage slot setlist with ‘Reservoir’ and the woozy love song ‘Hunger for Death’ bringing an epic set to a close and then it’s time for a White Russian.

A trip to the bar and a selfie with organiser James Scarlett and co-conspirator Gavin McInally and then it was time for Trees stalwarts Thrill Collins.

They take to the stage in front of a headphone wearing crowd, with the light blue colour on the headsets making the Forest look like it had been taken over by a phosphorescent algae bloom!

A set of pop, rock, garage, drum and bass covers goes down a treat. They even manage to have their own version of a wall of death – “Let’s call it a wall of love!”. The love is definitely flowing from both sides of the barrier, as they tell the crowd they are “Panto good” (“Oh no we aren’t!”) for their participation. It’s a cracker and they never fail to deliver.

And so, to bed, attempting to avoid the classic too much, too soon with three full days ahead…but not until I’ve had a couple of White Russians…

THURSDAY

The second wave of weekend ticket holders begin drifting onto site early doors, hunting down their friends and family to join in the fun, selecting prime locations wherever possible.

Among the keenos who arrived yesterday a number made their way, yoga mats under arm, into the Forest for an early morning session. Others took the opportunity to join the queue for a bacon sandwich – people contain multitudes.

The main arena opened up for the first time, revealing more food vendors and some changes to the previous years’ layout. Most noticeable was the expansion of the Marshall Tent (who now have naming rights to the stage formerly known as Neu) and subsequent relocation of the Arbor bar to opposite the Marshall Stage.

This meant the Frank Water stall moved around the corner, closer to the VIP entrance, in between food stalls.

Buds. were first up on the main stage. The Southampton four-piece have played Trees for the last three years, as well as having attended as punters – so their connection with the festival is a strong one.

Their set begins with a slightly delayed soundcheck due to DON BROCO’s gear still being on stage, which gives them chance to hand out party bags with balloons, bubbles, party hats, Lego keyrings, Haribos and lollies to the already assembled masses.

Singer Dan confessed his voice was “Fucked” but reassured us they were just going to “Pretend it isn’t!” – a bold approach considering they’ve got busking stage slots over each of the coming nights!

At one point Dan also twats himself in the face with his guitar, causing a nosebleed which is sub-optimal during the biggest show of their lives – but he soldiers on and its pretty metal, if sore.

New single ‘Time Well Spent’ is a three-minute pop-punk smash hit with a sing-a-long chorus, ‘Grit’ has an infectious chorus (“I’m a layabout, I ain’t got no grit. I’ll never know what a hard day work is”) and ‘Picking Wounds’ just bloody rocks!

Ending with the genuinely excellent ‘Building Blocks’, the crowd sings along, blows bubbles and releases balloons in a joyous celebration. Chants of “Buds, buds, buds, buds, buds…” continued throughout the weekend and they’ve definitely left Upcote with a raft of new fans after this showing.

Dropping in on Yorkshire’s Goo on the Marshall Stage, their set is filled with fuzz-laden riffs and gives me a bit of a Courtney Barnett-vibe. Their debut album ‘Oh Wow, Oh Well’ came out in May and gets its moment in the spotlight throughout the set.

Singles ‘Payday’ and ‘Slow Morning’ feature, along with earlier releases ‘Call In Sick’ are standouts along with the fantastically titled ‘Tiny Dinosaur That Only I Can See’.

A quick coffee stop and then it was back to the campsite to meet one of our party joining us for their first ever Trees. A tour of the festival site, including the necessary admin of wristband and headphone collection, and it was time for a beer.

The partnership Trees has with Arbor means you’re always guaranteed to have good quality, and often gluten-free, beer options throughout the site – but it’s at the Arbor Bar you’ll find the broadest selection. Lagers, IPAs, NEIPAs, low-alcohol options and even Stouts – it’s all there.

There are also a selection of picnic benches outside which offer a view of the stage (part of it anyway) giving you the opportunity to take a load off and still enjoy the action.

There are also food options galore at Trees, ranging from the classics of Fish and Chips, Fried Chicken Pizza and Burgers through to Gyros, Pad Thai and Paella. There is always a genuine focus on providing vegan and gluten-free options too which means you’re pretty much set when it comes to feasting.

I’m lucky enough not to have any dietary restrictions, but each of the stalls is very clear about allergens where there are any – and if they weren’t obvious, customers were encouraged to ask.

I tried to dip into the Marshall Stage for snake eyes, but the humidity in there was nuts and the breeze outside was providing much needed respite so I bailed. Maybe next time.

Mariachi el Bronx were next up on the main stage and the sudden influx of cultural appropriation/sensible sun protection in the form of sombreros spelled out what was to come.

Entering the stage in pure Mariachi drip, the band (who would be performing as The Bronx later on) proudly announced that Trees had “Never had a band perform as a mariachi band and then as a punk band later that same night”– a genuine Upcote Farm first, put that on your bingo sheet!

It all began with an album of the same name which they released in 2009. They’ve since toured as both bands and revelled in the fun the former provides. They’re clearly supremely talented musicians and the addition of mariachi brass, squeeze boxes and a frankly mad number of guitars provide a sound perfectly suited to a sunny afternoon.

My personal favourites from the set were ’48 Roses’, ‘Cell Mates’, Norteño Lights’ and set closer ‘Revolution Girls’. It was hard to stay still throughout and I wasn’t the only one! In fact, a conga started in the pit and there was even a spontaneous limbo dancing competition at one point.

It was a fun-filled affair and in the spirit of cultural appropriation, I went and got nachos for a little snacky snack. Fiesta Nachos from Banging Burritos were £7 and you got a big portion with sour cream and Pico Di Gallo…can’t say fairer than that!

The weather gods, not content with scorching all before them with a heat wave, threw an insane tornado-like gust of wind into the mix! Hats went flying hundreds of metres up into the air and were then joined by a frigging umbrella (no sign of Mary Poppins for a secret set). It was a bizarre sight and let to a post on the official Facebook group for survivors of the 2000Trees Tornado 2026.

Standing out in front of the main stage had taken a toll on us, that or the beers, so we went back to the campsite to recover with a high-octane game of Can Off and a few more bevs – along with a wardrobe change given the sweat fest the AM had triggered.

Can Off involves throwing a frisbee at a pole with a can on the top, which you have to knock off. You can try to catch it, which earns you points, or you just smash everything to pieces in front of you and hoon the can half way to Stroud.

We drew in a few spectators and participants, even an official photographer at one point (thanks Joe!), and the consensus was overwhelmingly positive.

With a day-saver ticket purchased to the struggle bus, it wasn’t until the early evening before I made my way stage-ward again. This time it was into the Forest and Native James.

There was a huge amount of hype ahead of time off the back of a massive set at Download and the amount of people stood waiting for it to begin was a testament to that.

Kicking things off with ‘Power’ and then ramping it up with the monster track, ‘Hammer’ the forest floor was soon churned up by a heaving pit. ‘DO WHAT YOU WANT’ lit the touchpaper even more (if that was possible) and I honestly haven’t seen a show like it on that stage before.

Native James gave 100% for every second of the 40-minute set and the crowd responded in kind. A huge wall of death and a constant swirling pit – it was fucking intense, the kind of set that people talk about all weekend and then a hell of a lot afterwards too!

He has a headline show at Nice ‘N’ Sleazy in Glasgow at the end of the week (tickets are less than £15!), Cowgate Block Party in Edinburgh, Latitude Festival, Outcider Festival and Secret Island Festival all still to come this summer. It won’t be long before those slots and venues will be much bigger.

I headed to the always brilliant Manjula (more of them later…) for a portion of Marry Me Tofu which was one of their daily specials, along with their usual array of delicious plant-based street food including Burritos, Nachos and Curries. I wasn’t sure I could handle mashed potato in a heat wave, but I triumphed in the face of adversity and it was bloody lovely!

Having taken on the mantle of PUP fan yesterday, it was time for their second show of the weekend and my second in 24 hours which basically makes me a super fan as far as I’m concerned.

I really don’t know how I’ve neglected them for so long but my Spotify wrapped will definitely reflect my newfound…erm…finding, of them.

There was some overlap between the sets, which is to be expected – especially as they’re bangers – but we got songs off debut LP ‘PUP’, ‘Morbid Stuff’ and ‘Who Will Look After The Dogs?’ too. New single ‘Concrete’, released at the end of June, also got air time giving the punters a full spectrum of PUP eras in one 50-minute set.

Following their cover set in the Forest on Wednesday, PUP’s Canadian comrades The Dirty Nil were also back in action at the Marshall Stage.

Formed in 2006 they’ve an enviable back catalogue including five LPs to work with and were here to rock from the off opening with ‘That’s What Heaven Feels Like’ followed by ‘No Weaknesses’ and ‘Rock N’ Roll Band’.

They were making a statement, flying out of the stalls and taking no prisoners – I’m just glad I had earplugs!

I also managed to nip into the Axiom for Superheaven’s show too (the beauty of the site’s compact layout) thus navigating one of those bloody clashes that are unfortunately always going to happen.

Taking the opportunity to sit down at the back of the tent, it was cute to hear them so clearly enthusiastic about the opportunity to play Trees (their first time). Catching the end of their show I was treated to their Deftones-esque ‘Youngest Daughter’, along with the genuinely excellent ‘Crawl’ both from 2013’s ‘Jar’.

Their set finished with ‘Poor Aileen’, a Bush-a-like grunge track that whisked me back to the mid 90’s with little effort. A double whammy of two excellent bands and then it was on to main stage duties.

The super last-minute cancellation by Alkaline Trio meant there were still a lot of shirts knocking around, and those fans were able to seek solace in the arms of Silent Disco, where the excellent Gemma Edwards (check out her TikTok) devoted part of her set to the band.

Their replacements, DON BROCO, had plenty of their own fanbase present but addressed replacing Alkaline Trio early doors – Rob Damiani telling the crowd: “These are impossible shoes to fill. We hope Matt gets better”.

They headlined in 2024 and showed they were more than capable of holding it down then. I’ll be honest, gutted as I was at Alkaline Trio having to pull out, the Bedford lads are a hell of a replacement.

Reflecting on receiving the call to replace them not long after finishing their support slot for Biffy Clyro, he said: “This time last week we didn’t know we’d be playing tonight. It didn’t take us any time to say yes. It’s a massive, massive honour!”

Set opener ‘Cellophane’ has been rattling around my head since the announcement, although I am 99% certain Damiani is singing “Do you have the Mini Rolls?” and now I want Mini Rolls.

While there was no sign of Nickelback for ‘Nightmare Tripping’ plenty of songs from the album of the same name did make an appearance. ‘Somersaults’, ‘Disappear’ and ‘Euphoria’ were all met with the same love for the oldies and they even drew proceedings to a close with ‘Hype Man’.

The fact the band (and crowd) was able to slip so seamlessly between the new tracks and the staples is a testament to how finely tuned these guys are!

They’re by no means the first or last to heap praise on organisers and the behind-the-scenes teams for their efforts in putting on the best festival in the country, but there’s genuine sincerity in their words.

I legged it away from DON BROCO to try and catch Static Dress but the Cave tent was absolutely chocka so I stood outside to listen to set closer ‘human props’ then hot footed it back…not quickly enough to hear ‘Bruce Willis’ though – sadly.

I also missed the hydration break, that much-maligned feature of the World Cup which has drawn boos from fans and criticism from coaches and players. It wasn’t getting off lightly here either! Boos rang out before they kicked back into action and set things up for their encore.

Coming back out with their absolutely massive ‘Everybody’ into ‘T-Shirt Song’ and a swirling mass of t-shirts over heads before ‘Hype Man’ brought things to a finale. You have to take your hat off to the boys for the willingness to step in at late notice and then to deliver a totally headline worthy set. Thank you, lads.

I had half an eye on seeing Haggard Cat in the Forest, but instead scored an excellent sausage (not a euphemism, thank you) from Happy Bangers before heading back to the campsite for Dave McPherson of InMe over on the Camp Frabbit stage conveniently opposite my tent and camping chair.

I went down to Camp Turner for another dose of Buds. – still going strong after their 11am main stage opener and Dan’s voice holding on thanks to lozenges. A fun-filled, cover version smattered, can-chugging, bubble-dominated set followed and it was absolutely worth staying up for.

If you’ve never ventured out to the stages in the general camping area, I can honestly say I’ve seen some of my favourite performances out there in recent years, so it’s well worth the explore.

With a second (actually, more like seventh) wind now upon me it was time to give the Silent Disco my attention. What I didn’t intend was to be returning to my tent at 3:30am nearly voiceless but with cheeks hurting from smiling so hard. Was it worth it? Abso-bloody-lutely.

FRIDAY

Waking up only a few hours after I fell asleep the heat was feeling extra spicy today and the combination with a fuzzy head was less than pleasant. My own supply of lozenges came to the party to help tackle the hoarse voice, but again – worth it.

Despite the hangover’s grip on very soul, I dragged myself and pals into the sanctuary of the Forest for the 11:30am performance from local lads, Truck.

I have to confess to being a massive Truck fanboy and I have no problem outing myself from the off! Their 90’s influenced sound knits alternative rock, country, emo and pop together into the most comfortable (and stylish) sweater you could imagine…the kind that gets you compliments wherever you go.

Hailing from just down the road in Cheltenham, there is a partisan gathering in the audience ready to see the long-time attendees and frequenters of the campsite stages in action on the bill proper for the first time. Their enthusiasm led to a dusty circle pit, sing-a-longs and plenty of smiles.

Having spent part of 2025 in the recording studio, the lads have released two singles so far this year (‘A Little Bit of Love’ and ‘Your Life & Mine’) both of which showcase frontmen Jamie and Dom’s gorgeous harmonies and fondness for a gut punch lyric.

Their cover of Metallica’s ‘Enter Sandman’ is genuinely brill, completely changing the song from a brooding metal track into an upbeat, summer-y tune. It’s a gleeful set and they’re clearly touched by the support from the crowd. You can’t help but root for them and their love for 2000Trees is clear to see. Here’s hoping they get another rung up the ladder next year.

Over to the main stage it was Twat Union, a “feminist-punk-pop six-piece”. Introducing their post-coital lament, ‘UTI’, frontwoman Kate MacDonald removes her shorts to reveal underwear with flames on the front (stylish and informative) before the middle finger to sexists ‘Singer of the Band’ brings the set to a close.

I needed to eat something to try and fight back at the hangover, so a Spring Roll Bowl for a deeply reasonable £6 from the Pad Thai stall got things rolling (arf, arf).

I drifted across to Axiom for a snippet of Grandma’s House and brief respite from the sun and enjoyed Yasmin Berndt’s Brodie Dalle-esque vocals and the sinister basslines and jagged guitars while lying on my back and nursing an ice cold beer.

Then it was back to the furnace for Leeds’ Beauty School for a hearty slug of Midwest-emo that rallies me from the pits of despair. It’s a hot auld set, but for a short period of time a cloud earns itself the title of “hero of the weekend” for blocking the sun.

The respite was insufficient though, and so I headed campsite-wards to get into the welcome gloom of my tent for a wee while before a sojourn to Word for something completely different in TV Party Tonight, a TV theme tune covers band.

They delivered flawless renditions of The Office (US), Peep Show, Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles and (my personal favourite) The OC themes among others and it was a fun-filled alternative to my original plans. It’s always the things you least expect.

Next up was Saturdays At Your Place in the Cave. Of all the bands I listened to in the build-up, these guys were among the ones I was most looking forward to seeing in action.

Hailing from Michigan, the three-piece specialise in that technical Midwest emo guitar sound that has become so synonymous with Trees (and my Spotify wrapped). Fan favourite ‘tarot cards’ is the embodiment of that with the lyrics “She said her friends don’t like me. Well I don’t like, me too.” encapsulating the awkward, youthful angst so associated with the scene.

Other sad bangers ‘it’s always cloudy in kalamazoo’ and ‘future’ feature along with ‘i’d rather be in michigan’ which I would definitely agree with if it was a bit cooler there, but then I wouldn’t be at Trees.

A very short stone’s throw away is Axiom where Free Throw were playing, but again the sauna-like conditions in the tent lost out in favour of time sat in the shade with a pint and some carbs.

This came in the shape of a hefty portion of macaroni cheese with BBQ pulled pork from The Mac Shac (£15). The addition of Sriracha livened me up further still for a quick split of The Wildhearts and the aptly named Sunny Day Real Estate.

The Wildhearts are elder statesmen of the UK rock scene, led by the ever-present Ginger Wildheart. They were a late addition (not DON BROCO late, but still late) after Lambrini Girls were forced to withdraw following Phoebe Lunny’s brain surgery (get well soon, Phoebe!).

Earlier this year, Ginger announced he had been diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma, an aggressive form of cancer and was refusing to undergo treatment – preferring instead to spend the next couple of years saying his goodbyes. It’s amazing that he’s doing things on his own terms, and they give the busy Cave tent a proper rock n roll show including ‘I Wanna Go Where the People Go’ and ‘Mazel Tov Cocktail’. It was far too “Meat and Potatoes” for me, but the crowd seemed to have fun!

Down to the main stage next for the driving guitars of Sunny Day Real Estate. The Godfathers of emo have been doing the business since 1992, inspiring countless bands in the process.

With over three decades (I felt dirty writing that) of music at their fingertips it’s an enviable task to pick their set. Hearing ‘In Circles’ live was a genuine highlight of the weekend for me, filling this elder emo’s heart to the brim and we still had Funeral for a Friend to come!

There was a definite move by the masses to get food at this point with almost every stall catering to big queues. Although I did have to spare a thought for the team at Crumble…ain’t no-one messing with a crumble in this heat!

Axiom next for Arcane Roots – one of the weekend’s big draws.It’s a good job the set-up crew legends properly nailed down the tent else the roof would be going the same way as yesterday’s umbrella and heading off over the Cotswold hills.

The crowd was at fever pitch as the band, who disbanded in 2018, returned to the stage with newest single ‘A Wave, Across the Sea’. Andrew Groves’ voice still soars while the epic soundscapes are all still there. Gentle, melodic build ups reaching epic crescendos and frankly bloody massive drums.

Bidding the crowd adieu (at least until their Forest set on Saturday) they left them wanting more with a stunning ‘If Nothing Breaks, Nothing Moves’. It was a seismic performance and even if the only other opportunity to see them (aside from tomorrow) is currently at ArcTanGent there’ll be hopes for a tour in the not-too-distant future.

We’re treated to another beaut of a sunset, as the now dusty track lends a hint of Tatooine to this corner of Gloucestershire. I am also treated to another visit to Manjula (what? It’s good!!) and their specials board which this time promises puffed tofu!

They were only £5.50 and came with a nice tingly sweet chilli sauce (The proper stuff, not the syrup you get in a supermarket) providing the perfect amuse bouche before the main event – Birria Tacos (£14) from Gourmet Warriors.

I try, where possible, not to duplicate meals year on year so as to provide the broadest possible selection of food reviews but I had spent the last 12 months thinking about these tacos and I needed them again.

Delicious beef mixed with cheese and perfectly grilled tacos come with a small pot of beef consommé for dipping and hell’s bells they’re amazing. See you in another year you delicious, delicious wallets of joy.

And now it was time for our Friday night headliners Funeral for a Friend and I am GIDDY!

They’ve been at it for 25 years now (again, this is a violation), albeit with a few years on hiatus, and long-standing members Kris Roberts, Darran Smith and Ryan Richards are all still going. The vocals are now in the hands of Holding Absence’s Lucas Woodland following Matthew Davies-Kreye’s decision to step away from the band in 2023.

Kicking things off, Woodland announces “We’re Funeral for a Friend and we’re all the rage!” for the Hours LP’s opener of the same name.

It’s 100mph from the off and it’s immediately into ‘Streetcar’ followed swiftly by ‘Rookie of the Year’ and ‘This Year’s Most Open Heartbreak’. It’s breathless stuff, but Woodland is doing a fine job of fronting the band. Referencing the football and identifying the headliners as being “66 per cent Welsh” (he’s not wrong!) he’s up there living the dream. He’s singing in a band he himself loves as a fan, and is clearly appreciative of the opportunity.

It’s never easy being the new guy, but he praises the band for their support and says he’s ready to perform with them for as long as they’ll have him. On the evidence of tonight, he should probably get comfy!

The boys bring out Ben Barlow from Neck Deep for ‘Juneau’ and then it’s a massive singalong (and more than a few tears) for ‘History’ before a brief pause as they leave the stage.

The unmistakeable opening to ‘Into Oblivion (Reunion)’ takes the roof off before Woodland tells the crowd: “Diolch yn Fawr! We’ll be back. Escape artists never die!” giving us one last chance to scream lyrics in the faces of our besties. It’s absolutely everything and my heart is full. Fuller still as the Dafydd Iwan protest anthem ‘Yma o Hyd’ plays out on the PA. Da iawn, boys.

I hot footed back to Camp Turner for Truck’s second set of the day and this time they’re rolling with a freakin’ banjo along with Joe from Lickshot filling in on cajon.

With heavy footfall passing the lads had the opportunity to woo some new fans, with passers by stopping to listen in to another excellent performance. There’s no such thing as too much Truck in my opinion (and clearly in the organisers’ opinion too with three bands featuring the word Truck!).

A stop off at the tent to pick up Silent Disco headphones and it was into the Forest for Battlesnake.

The Australian rockers tore the place up last year and they were back for more, along with a Saturday main stage slot. It was time to convert some non-believers!

After the customary spoken-word introduction of ‘Dawn of the Exultants’ frontman Sam Frank announces: “We are Battlesnake. And we are playing silently!” and it’s into ‘I Killed Satan’.

It’s absolutely surreal to watch them in action but in silence, especially after their batshit set in the same location during daylight hours last year. I’m not sure it worked, but with another show to come they would have their chance.

A brief stop off in the Silent Disco was cut short when I ended up spilling the White Russian, I was carrying in my pocket down my shorts and boxers and I had to go back to the tent to change. Which, serendipitously, meant I was in prime location for Buds.’ Camp Frabbit show.

There were definitely over 100 people gathered around for the performance, which they introduced as “The hits!”. We got huge singalongs to their own material, especially for ‘Building Blocks’ but were also treated to excellent covers of Natasha Beddingfield’s ‘Unwritten’, Sugababes’ ‘About You Now’, Bowling for Soup (‘Girl All the Bad Guys Want’) and ‘Complicated’ by Avril Lavigne.

It was an hour of pure joy and the balloons, circle pits, people on shoulders and crowd surfers made for one of the best campsite shows I’ve seen to date.

At the same time over near the Forest, it was time for the annual dose of the obscure as Not a Carrot Cult reaped the rewards of a bountiful harvest (“Blessed Be!”) – possibly their largest crop to date.

Half village fete vegetable growing competition, half sing-a-long, it’s all bonkers – and it’s an absolute highlight.

The ceremony was punctuated by veg themed songs such as ‘Sow Me Now’ (to the tune of Creed’s One Last Breath) and ‘Carrots Gonna Grow’ in the style of ‘Three Lions’ and forays into terrace chants showing love for carrots (“We love you carrots, we do”) and disdain for parsnips (“What do we think of parsnips? Shit!”). It’s one of the most bizarre aspects of 2000Trees and it’s bloody excellent – “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

SATURDAY

We’re running on fumes at this point and so there’s a more relaxed start to proceedings and a couple of coffees at the campsite before attacking the day.

On the Camp Frabbit stage we got an unexpected early performance, as a man from a nearby tent got on stage to shower while his friends played Def Leppard’s ‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’ on a speaker. The guy had some serious moves and will undoubtedly be taking calls ahead of next year’s event…that or from folk of ill repute.

Trees regulars The Xcerts were taking part in a Q&A over in the Forest, so we headed there first of all. The Scottish band were playing the Cave stage later on, but there’s nothing wrong with double The Xcerts.

That being said, while Murray’s solo set (including ‘Do It to Myself’ and ‘losing it’) was great, there was a bit too much Q&A for my liking – so we left in search of breakfast.

Catching the end of breakfast service meant options were thinning out, but my heroes over at Gourmet Warriors had some leftover Breakfast Tacos (three for £11.50)! What a result!! They were incredible and I will definitely be attempting to make them myself at home. Corn tortillas stuffed with spiced sausage meat, scrambled egg and melted cheese – served with salsa.

While eating we caught some of Frozemode on the main stage with what I have decided to dub ‘roadman rock’. It wasn’t my bag, but they were well up for it and those who enjoyed it had a silent disco set to look forward to (after the football).

A cold, refreshing Helles lager in hand I wandered across to Lakes in Axiom for more of that Midwestern emo I love so much!

They’re from the UK but their influences are worn squarely on their sleeves with a set of really tight American Football-referencing indie. They’ve toured with acts such as Pedro the Lion and The Get Up Kids – similar exponents of the multi-layered indie style of music. It’s a fantastic set and they’re a group I’ll be keeping my eye out for.

The main stage once more and it’s the return of Battlesnake! The surreal silent disco set behind them, this time it’s for real and it’s time to get loud. They get the crowd involved, with a kid on shoulders shouting “2000!” into the mic and the crowd responding with “Trees!”. It’s core memory territory and might be the beginning of a journey toward rock superstardom for the young lad.

White robes are soon removed and it’s into budgie smugglers (they’re aussies, okay?) as frontman Sam Frank informs the crowd after every song “Thank you we are Battlesnake!”. He also tells the watching throng “We’ve got one more for you” which he repeats at least three times so I honestly couldn’t tell you how many songs there were.

If you have FOMO reading this, or you were there and just wanting to relive everything (or in my case remind myself), you can watch it all again on the band’s YouTube! They’re fun as hell and I love ‘em.

Another of those acts my pre-festival research flagged up was Bicurious. Having already been given one dose of Ireland’s new wave of alternative bands, I was thirsty for more.

Bicurious is the Dublin-based duo of Gavin Purcell and Taran Plouzané. Describing themselves as “Two sweaty boys playing tunes and giving it loads” they’re doing themselves a bit of a disservice. It’s not an inaccurate statement by any stretch – but there’s heaps more to them than that.

Purcell is part drummer, part hype man and spends his time leaping off stage into the crowd, encouraging a circle pit and as much moshing as possible. Plouzané keeps the momentum going with looped riffs and when they let rip, boy do they let rip!

They’re on the Marshall Stage this year, but given the response to their set I reckon they’re good for a bigger space next time around.

The Seal of Approval is even there! NB: I previously stated the Seal had a red light AND a green light, which was clearly a Freudian slip into Squid Games territory. It only has a red light (currently) although the Seal’s keepers were considering the upgrade for next year.

On the Seal, I finally received the flipper up I had so yearned for (and a bit of a bruised jaw) as I was made to kneel and “Receive the Seal”. It was absolutely worth it.

The annual live edition of the 2 Promoters 1 Pod (starring James Scarlett and Gavin McInally) is taking place over in the Word tent and is once again totally packed (Axiom next year?) despite the tent being given an extension this year.

Arriving on stage, Gavin appeared as James – holding an England flag. He soon switched into his Scotland shirt though and is probably still washing his hands…

Over in Axiom, Baltimore’s Have Mercy inform the audience that this is only their third time visiting the UK three times ever. Their earnest, elder-emo soothing sound is another highlight of the weekend.

Although they strayed into the classic pitfall of commenting on the actual number of trees at 2000Trees (“There are 2,220 – the name’s misleading!”) the set is awesome. ‘Coexist’, ‘Two Years’, ‘Let’s Talk About Your Hair’ and the stunning ‘Cigarettes and Old Perfume’ give the Axiom crowd a dose of exactly what we want.

Thanking the crowd, they say: “This has been the best show of our life”. You can’t helped be touched by their obvious pride at what they’ve just delivered and it’s a feeling very much reciprocated.

I headed over to the Word tent for The Ogretones, the UK’s number one musical tribute to the greatest film soundtracks of all time – Shrek. Yes, that’s right the Shrek films.

The group, dressed as much-loved characters from the film franchise (including Donkey on bass, the Big Bad Wolf on drums, the Gingerbread Man on keyboard) play songs from the Shrek soundtrack including ‘Accidentally in Love’, ‘All Star’, ‘I’m A Believer’ and “Holding Out for a Hero”

Shrek (well, the singer with Shrek ears and a bright green guitar) comments that “We’ve never had a circle pit before…” and as the riff from Led Zepellin’s ‘Immigrant Song’ starts they get their wish. Gentle though it is, it’s unmistakably a circle pit and there is joy on the faces of everyone involved!

These guys hit the absolute sweet spot for a festival populated with millennials. Loads of them grew up watching the films and now they have kids of their own who watch the films. The booking is inspired and there are no glum faces as we make our way back out into the sun.

On the subject of fancy dress (seamless right?) this year’s theme was 2000memes.

The creativity of Trees attendees is a joy to behold. We had a brilliant couple as the ‘This is Fine’ dog surrounded by fire, an incredible recreation of the iconic Pepe Silva scene from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Spidermen(people?) pointing at one another, a cat playing piano, a whole “I can haz cheeseburger? stall and the individual prize winner an interactive ‘Distracted Boyfriend’ stand.

It was time to visit the legends at Bunnymans Bunnychow for my annual pilgrimage. The hollowed-out bread, filled with chilli combo is an absolute winner whatever the weather. However, my plan to keep it 50/50 spice wise was thwarted by some gentle piss taking by the staff and so I caved under pressure and went for hot. This turned out to be a mistake when my core temperature was already at critical levels, but I regret nothing. It was delicious – and the pint of Westons cider offset the spice perfectly.

Marmozets are back! Having stepped away from music in 2018 they returned with their first new release ‘CO.WAR.DICE.’ in May and have played seven headline shows across the UK prior to festival season.

One of the reasons they called it a day seven years ago was frontwoman Becca Bottomley’s pregnancy leading to the band being told no label would sign them as a result! Well, here they are, back at it, signed to Nettwerk and Bottomley is 30 weeks pregnant! It’s a triumphant middle finger up to the naysayers all those years ago – and they’re playing like they never left.

Their set is understandably pock marked with new ones (‘A Kiss From A Mother’, ‘Cut Back’ and ‘Like Last Night’ standouts) but the old stuff gets the most love. The bassline for ‘Captivate You’ has my sternum aching and ending their set on an utterly exhilerating ‘Major System Error’, Marmozets have lit the touch paper and Trees is all the better for it.

The heat was kicking the shit out of me at this point (both temperature and spice wise) and with a long one in the offing it was time to retreat back to the tent for a wardrobe change and a litre of electrolytes. As the designated “bag man” for Neck Deep, I’m left in charge of the silent disco headphones (along with other valuables) while the others go into the pit. Thankfully I have a freshly screen-printed tote bag from the Marshall Tent to store them in.

I drifted back into the arena, hearing The Xcerts (part deux) packing out the Cave for their play through of the fresh off the presses ‘i think i want to go home now.’ but carry on down to the main stage for Glassjaw.

The elder statesmen of post-hardcore hadn’t played Trees before and there was a huge amount of excitement among the crowd and bands on the bill alike. Their fingerprints are all over Funeral for a Friend for example, and their influence on the scene can’t be ignored.

Anthems from 2002’s Worship and Tribute (‘Pink Roses’, ‘Cosmopolitan Blood Loss’, ‘Tip Your Bartender’ and ‘Ape Dos Mil’) figure heavily in the setlist but I’ll be honest I found myself losing interest so headed back up to The XCerts and caught the end of their set, including the certified banger ‘Feels Like Falling In Love’. There are emotional scenes amongst the audience and I start to feel like I made the wrong choice…Oh well!

Dinosaur Pile Up are on in the Axiom next and despite it being mere yards away there is no chance of getting in there as the place is PACKED. This is in no small part due to the gigantic inflatable dinosaurs in the pit, but as we all know “Nature finds a way!”

There’s plenty of the set occupied by tracks from the new record, ‘I’ve Felt Better’, including ‘Bout to Lose It’, ‘Sick of Being Down’ and most recent single ‘Love’s The Worst’ and they’re all well received. As are the classics – especially the impossibly funky ‘Back Foot’ which draws things to a close. It’s great seeing them back in action and with November dates covering Spain and Italy there’s hope for UK dates in the New Year.

Dusk settles in and here come Neck Deep, the final third of the Wales dominated headliner slots closing things out with a set filled with arms aloft pop punk anthems.

‘Can’t Kick Up The Roots’ opens things up and sets the tempo for the next 120 minutes of their set. Greeting the crowd, Ben Barlow acknowledges the upcoming match – promising that they were: “Going to try and rattle through this!”

The sampled intro of ‘Where Do We Go When We Go’ with the playschool chant of “Rain, Rain, Go Away” was met with a pleading shout of “Come Back!” from frontman Ben and a setlist ticking off most eras of the band follows.

I reckon there’s a fair few in the crowd who had no idea Neck Deep were from North Wales. Despite the recent US focus on Wrexham thanks to Messrs Mac and Reynolds, you’d definitely not assume they’re from that part of the world! Still, Ben’s transatlantic vocal has undoubtedly helped them to enjoy success both here and across the pond!

Introducing ‘When You Know’ Ben asks the crowd: “Anyone here in love? Probably not. You’re all Neck Deep fans so you’re all miserable”. Following that theme he then dedicates their newest song (‘You Should See Me Now’) to those in the audience who have “been through some stuff”.

We get a Christmas song (‘December’) in July and then things end on a massive sing-a-long ‘In Bloom’ which has been an earworm ever since. It has been a triumphant showing from the Neck Deep boys and a fine closer to the music for the weekend.

Then it’s the football…if you’re of that persuasion. James Scarlett told the 2 Promoters 1 Podcast audience they’d paid £5k to install a big screen to show the second half of the England Vs Norway match. It’s always one of those big dividers in that keeping the focus on the music is the priority – as Download did. But with so many football shirts around and the opportunity for a communal experience, there was little doubt Trees would deliver.

I meet friends down at Barnaby Sykes Pie Maker just in front of the bug screen, and with it being a football match raid their dwindling supplies for a final festival feast with a steak and chorizo pie, chips (they’d run out of mash) and gravy. It was pretty meh. But Bovril was in short supply.

There were a couple of teething issues with the screen initially, but it was soon rectified and considering we’re in the middle of a field where there’s no signal the fact they managed to stream it at all is impressive!

Silent disco headsets allowed those desiring to listen to the dulcet tones of Sam Matterface and Lee Dixon, while everyone else could either switch over to the DJ sets (including Cheltenham’s own DJ Aces High spinning power ballads – RIP Bonnie Tyler – and epic 2Pigs club night If Only We Could Fly).

It was a surreal experience watching along with thousands of others wearing headsets, and even though it carried on into extra-time and nerves were jangling, England’s win sent the crowd into raptures.

The red channel DJ immediately queued up Fat Les’ ‘Vindaloo’ before ‘Three Lions’ got the first of possibly 700 plays that night across various channels, phones and Bluetooth speakers. At one point, sandwiched between the hoards making their way out of the main arena, I had to crank up the volume on literally any other channel to avoid the sing-a-long.

It was euphoria for England fans, but it was my queue to return the headphones and head back to my tent and out of earshot! Yes, that meant I missed out on the gazebo in the pit during the silent disco, but I am content with my decision and it made the early get up to pack down more palatable than if I was fighting for my life.

A slightly different conclusion to proceedings at Upcote Farm, but I am sure the bars were given an absolute pasting which would have gone some way to offsetting the cost of the big screen. You wouldn’t have blamed James Scarlett for not pandering to the football crowd – but it would have been an own goal if people made their way off site early and were spending their money in Cheltenham town centre instead. Total no brainer.

SUNDAY – OUTRO

And just like that it’s Sunday morning and the festival is over for another year, leaving Upcote Farm to heal and its temporary residents to take their sun ravaged bodies back to “real life”.

Due to some poor coordination on our part, we didn’t leave site until after midday – but that actually meant the exit was a lot more straight forward than previous years as the vast majority of folk had left already. So, while yes, I could have been home at least two hours earlier – not being sat in a boiling hot car for an hour was definitely a win.

So how do we assess 2000Trees 2026? Heatwave conditions, last minute cancellations, spiralling costs, unexpected football success – it wasn’t without its variables! But they managed to navigate all of that and deliver yet another masterclass.

They manage all this despite (or perhaps because of?) being independent. A small team delivering the absolute best week of the year for 15,000 people year in year out. They carry the burden on their shoulders and thrive under it.

They have carefully selected commercial partners like Marshall, Arbor and Westons and there’s a great synergy between them all. Trees also makes an effort to provide spaces to charities such as Metal for Good, Head Above the Waves and Radical plus the annual charity of the year. They’re doing good while delivering excellent. Long may that continue.

Trees’ sister festival ArcTanGent has just announced it’ll be relocating but it feels like 2000Trees and Upcote Farm are a match made in heaven…even if there’s “Not enough shade” and only a tiny road on and off site…

It is always a pleasure to be on the farm and I am sure I speak for everyone when I say “Thank you” to the organisers, the staff and the volunteers who bring this gorgeous community together each year and never, ever miss.

2000Trees 2027 takes place from Thursday 9th to Saturday 11th July and will mark 20 years since the festival started. Tickets are already on sale, with a 30% discount until the end of this week – so move fast!

As of Wednesday evening, organisers said they had sold “as many tickets in the last 72 hours as we did for all of 2026!” which is absolutely insane! The show of faith from attendees is in no small part down to the incredible work done by the organisers to create a perfect corner of the world – especially when so much of it is a total hellscape.

It’s no surprise considering they’ve billed next year’s edition as a “20^th Anniversary Special” and responding to the rush on tickets they said: “It…give us the confidence and resources to book the best lineup we possibly can when folks lock in so early”.

That’s an exciting prospect and considering James Scarlett managed to pull DON BROCO into a headline slot with mere hours’ notice, you best believe there’s something epic coming next year!

Whatever it is, you can safely assume they will be going ALL OUT on the line up! If you need convincing to book your ticket, I hope this review has helped! See you at the Taco stand!