side quest

Top 7 2000Trees Festival Side Quests – 2026

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2000Trees is just a week away and we are officially into the “Ultimate Trees Excitement” phase of the build-up timeline.

Group chats are filled with screenshots of the clashfinder, the official Facebook groups are filled with sensible (and the not so sensible) questions, and all around the absolute fear of another heatwave striking is palpable. It’s Treesmas, baby – and we are STOKED!

We’ve all got those bands we are desperate to see (Truck 4 eva), the food stalls we we’re gagging to re-visit (I see you Bunnymans Bunnychow) and the beverages we want to consume (remember “Heroes Buy Beeros”, folks!). But how else are we going to fill the time?

Never fear, Summer Festival Guide has got you covered with a list of stuff you could stumble into, basically a choose your own adventure…It’s time to embrace the festival side quest!

  • 1. Not so Silent Disco: The last band is finished, it’s back to the tent…OR IS IT? If you’ve got the stamina a whole new night begins with the move to the Silent Disco. DJs galore, killer sets, Immaculate vibes, genuinely excellent signal strength and all you need is a pair of headphones! Book ahead, pick up your headphones as soon as your tent is set up and get ready to make friends for the weekend as you scream lyrics at one another and bond with strangers over your ability to communicate requests to DJs via mime alone. Realistically, you’ll be able to hear everyone singing along from your tent anyway – so why not get involved?
  • 2. The night ain’t over ‘til it’s over!: Following on from the above, some of the best times at Trees are had out in the General Camping area where stages (or busk boxes as they’re known) are set up for musicians to perform between guy lines and the occasional percussive snorers. Acapella singalongs with performers from the day, along with busking sets from up and comers you might see on the main stage in years to come make for a fun ‘nightcap’ and it’s on the way back to your tent, what’s not to love? Set times have been published on the social media channels of Camp Turner, Camp Frabbit and Under the Bridge (UTB) – so you can plot your course ahead of time and squeeze every drop out of the night! (Pssssst – Secret sets frequently take place out there so keep your ears to the ground…)
  • 3. Campsite Shenanigans: The campsites aren’t just for laying awake while a bloke with a snore like a chainsaw, fights for their life in a neighbouring tent. Nor are they just for waking up freezing at 4am, putting on all your layers and then at 8am screaming because it’s too hot and you’re now slicker than an otter’s pocket. Nope. At Trees, the campsite delivers more than you thought possible! The ever-present heroes at Camp Kev (their site is located at the What3Words of Absolute.Festival.Legends.) will return with their painted rock hunts, beer pong, games, quizzes and life-saving water fights. They bring the vibes to campsite life – even if you’re on the proverbial struggle bus. Grab a slice of watermelon and go say hi! Up in the overflow camping area, just beyond the hedge are the good folk of Camp Gooch. They bring the as yet unrecognised by the International Olympic Committee sport of Lemon Jousting to Upcote Farm as well as open mic sessions, trinket swaps and even pegs (as long as you beg).
  • 4. Join a (Carrot) Cult: Last year a cacophonous Carrot Cult collective rose from the soil of Upcote Farm spreading terror amongst attendees not seen since the great Cockchafer invasion of 2024! Rumours of an Avengers End Game root vegetable battle royale have been rife (“Fuck the Parsnips!”) while organisers have refused to confirm or deny whether members of the set-up crew have been disappearing suspiciously in the lead up to Trees. What is clear is they are making a return, with a message of: “We are one. We are many” and the harvest reveal imminent. Hold on to your butts, and don’t mention crudites…
  • 5. Count the Trees (gags): Some bands are better at the stage patter than others, it’s true. Some mumble “this is a new one”, some fire out a pre-rehearsed set of one liners, some use their platform to discuss socio-political matters, others to bemoan their journey – or how they got the shits from service station food en route. One of the go-to observational “humour” comments is invariably about the actual number of trees at 2000Trees. Something like “I was up all last night counting and only saw 963” or similar. You may chuckle gently the first time you hear it, but by Saturday you’ll be into slow clap or deep groan mode as the novelty factor evaporates before you like all those delicious White Russians from the night before…
  • 6. Sacrifice yourself to the fancy dress overlords: Trees always has a fancy-dress theme and this year it’s 2000memes – a celebration of the zeitgeist and an opportunity to dredge up some really deep cuts from those early meme days before Pepe was co-opted by right wingers, and Drake hadn’t been dissed by Kendrick Lamar. Last year, despite the absolute furnace-like conditions, costumes were donned by many on the Saturday making for an eclectic game of Guess Who? with the winners of the competition receiving a free ticket to next year’s festival. The skill and creativity on show is always incredible so the judges have a tough gig! There’ll also undoubtedly be returns for the regular triumvirate of Trees Santa, Tigger and Jesus (Treesus?) so if you’re inclined to whip up an ensemble then now’s the time…Papier-mâché dries quicker when it’s warm!

NB: Summer Festival Guide takes no responsibility for any physical effects suffered by getting into a cheap polyester costume that boils your insides like Haggis…

  • 7. Receive the Seal of Approval: This one has thus far eluded me (hint) but no matter how many stars a reviewer gives a band for their performance – the one true arbiter of judgement is the Seal of Approval. The Seal (a cuddly toy, relax) sits atop an extendable pole, with a light fitted to it either turning red or green depending on whether you’ve done good in the eyes of the Seal or need to get in the sea! Bands may regard the Main Stage as the pinnacle of a weekend at Trees, but secretly they all yearn for that flippers up from the furry wee Seal of Approval!

That should be more than enough stuff to get you going, but remember – the best adventures are the ones you never prepare for, so keep your eyes and ears open for anything that sounds like it might be worth retelling over the next few decades of your life…

Top 10 Download Festival Side Quests – 2026

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With Download Festival creeping up on us, the group chat is probably full of set clashes and rabid weather-watch to see if you need to pack wellies or suncream. Let’s face it, it’s probably both. Now I love that we have access to great festival apps these days, live set-times and easy maps… great stuff, excellent use of technology outside of cat videos to be honest.

The problem is: modern festivals are too connected for shenanigans. In the early noughties you could lose your mates for six glorious hours and call it character development. Some of my best stories are about the things we did when we lost everyone to the crowd, like that time our mate Jimmy was so stoned he just joined a queue for a bit so he could chat to people – and ended up being one of the lucky VIP area wristband holders that year… bastard.

Now, with everyone trackable on snap and pin-drops, you have to choose adventure. Reject life-long friendships and go be a silly hobbit for a while, for a treat. Here’s my list of stuff you could stumble into, if you choose…

  • 1. Find Five (the band) and commit to the bit: Somewhere at Download, the spirit of late-90s pop refuses to die. You’re lying if you say you don’t know the lyrics to at least one Five song, that shit is etched into your brain from the school disco and at a month out, you’ve still got time to relearn the choreography. Bonus points if you bring the shockwaves gel and hedgehog your hair in a classic Scott style.
  • 2. Get a tattoo from Old Sarum: The truly committed return home with merch that can’t be lost in a tent collapse. Fan faves: Download totem, the iconic Dog, classic barbed wire around the bicep, bees on your knees, or a beautifully questionable tramp stamp. They usually drop a flash sheet closer to the event, so keep your eyes peeled and your impulse control lower than usual. But like, keep it clean and out of the sun babes, we do not want Sepsis as a going home present.
  • 3. Learn rock sign language from the interpreters: Stage-side interpreters are doing elite-level multitasking: translating lyrics, capturing attitude, and somehow keeping time while the crowd turns into a washing machine. Watch them for five minutes and you’ll realise you’ve been underperforming with your hands your entire life. Bonus points if you learn a few signs and can still headbang without poking yourself in the eyeballs.

  • 4. Sky catapult:  There’s something very nostalgic about the screaming, and I always wonder what possesses people to want to do this. Some sort of ancestral longing to feel the force of the trebuchet? Oh well, a classic DL experience, but I caution you to pick whatever meal you eat beforehand wisely. There’s ‘festival memory’ and then there’s “someone filmed it and it’s on TikTok forever.”
  • 5. Join Swappie Fest and become a tiny-gift goblin: Swappie Fest has a famously wholesome Facebook group (500+ members and growing) and the vibe is pure crafty magic: I’ve seen bracelets, keyrings, crochet punky duck charms, sweets, stickers, handmade mini dreamcatchers… you name it. You’ve got enough time to join the fun if you want to be a trinket gifter, get on it!
  • 6. Investigate the mysterious Fourth Wing thing: Apparently there’s some kind of Fourth Wing activation (yes, that Fourth Wing—Rebecca Yarros). At the time of writing there’s only the promo post, meaning nobody knows what’s actually happening. If we can’t get real dragons, I don’t know if I’m emotionally prepared to care… but I know the BookTok girlies are not going to want to miss whatever this is.
  • 7. Do RockFit (or, if you’re unhinged, join the campsite runners): RockFit is a great way to feel like a functioning person before the day turns into pints and pit dust. There’s also the running-partner crowd—people who, for reasons beyond science, want to jog around the campsites in the morning. Meanwhile, the rest of us will be doing what nature intended: slithering out of the tent like a slug at sunrise and drinking whatever hideously warm liquid we find by the door, just to choke down an oat bar.
  • 8. Play Red Hat Round Up: Take a drink every time you see a Fred Durst red cap in the wild. Yes, it’s still everywhere. No, he doesn’t even wear a red cap himself anymore. Yes, I still wish he would. (Pace yourself. You’ve got a weekend to survive.)
  • 9. Dogstar Cosplay: Show up dressed as the Wyld Stallyns. Or better: go as Rufus. Or better still: get a whole group together and turn the mosh pit into the Bill & Ted history montage—Socrates, Freud, Joan of Arc, Genghis Khan, the lot. It’s educational.
  • 10. Hit K‑pop Emo Hunters at the silent disco: Over in the Ace of Spades, K‑pop Emo Hunters runs as a silent disco with two channels playing simultaneously: Emo and K‑pop. That means you’ll watch two completely different dance-floor narratives happening in the same physical space, enjoy the chaos and the musical whiplash and most importantly SEAL THE HONMOON.

That should be more than enough official stuff to get you going, but remember – the best adventures are the ones you never prepare for, so keep your eyes and ears open for anything that sounds like it might be worth retelling over the next few decades of your life…

Bonus side quest: Don’t watch the World Cup—apparently Download wants nothing to do with it…